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Hit enter to search or ESC to close. Close Search. Four Seasons Our Four Seasons lesson plan teaches students about the four seasons, including their characteristics and how they change from one to the next. Description Additional information Reviews.

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Facebook Twitter. Clear filter. More Filters. In a winter marriage, there may be a similar tendency to "avoid the elements. However, unlike the natural seasons, the seasons of a marriage do not typically change without some positive action-unless it's a change from bad to worse.

If you are experiencing winter in your marriage, your actions will tend to be divisive and destructive. Consciously or subconsciously, they are designed to hurt your spouse. Harsh words, violent acts, or withdrawal and silence are some of the actions of winter. I remember one woman who said to me, "I was so angry because of Kurt's unfaithfulness that I went over to the apartment of the girl I knew he was seeing, found his car, and flattened all four tires with a butcher knife.

I know I could have been arrested for that, but at the time I was so angry I just wanted him to know how deeply he was hurting me. I was so angry and hurt. At the time, she was in her second marriage; the first marriage had been, in her words, "physically and emotionally abusive. I am distant, and I don't know if my husband will react positively to anything I initiate.

I am tired. I've actually considered telling him we need to separate because I am sure he will never talk civilly to me again. I am not content at all with my marriage at this time. Initially, I just walked out of the room, but later that day he said that I was mistreating one of my other sons. It was all downhill after that, and now we are barely speaking. And he avoids me. We are almost never in the same room except to sleep. When he is around, I feel he gets verbally abusive. At times, I have memories of my first marriage, and I wonder if the same thing is happening again.

They had been married for five years, and it was the first marriage for both of them. She was twenty-five and he was twenty-nine. Amanda's comments on their marriage indicated that for her it was winter. I'm not happy. I want to feel the love we used to feel. We have been through the birth of a child, my husband had a serious accident and was out of work for three years, and our house was destroyed by fire.

Over time, we have grown apart. We have become very negative and continue to put each other down. She is also very demanding. Joshua was twenty-two years old and had been married only three years when he said to me, "My wife cheated on me repeatedly with one of my friends in the first six months of our marriage.

The way I reacted was by cheating on her. I am definitely not content with our marriage. I've made many bad decisions before, and I worry about making things worse.

He lies to me or he doesn't talk to me at all, and lately he's been getting into pornography. My heart is broken, but all I know to do is pray. If I try to talk with him, he is critical and blames me for all our problems.

Yes, our marriage is definitely in the winter season. It's really sad after all these years together. Critical words are spoken that further hurt the relationship.

Verbal abuse sometimes leads to physical abuse. The sexual part of the marriage becomes a battlefield, and sexual unfaithfulness may strike the final blow to the marriage.

A winter marriage is indeed cold, harsh, and bitter. Eventually, couples become detached emotionally and sometimes physically. They may sleep in separate bedrooms because they do not want to be close to each other. Sexually and emotionally, they are already divorced. If the warm winds of spring do not come soon, they may take steps to become legally divorced as well.

Winter is often accompanied by feelings of desperation. Bryan, who was in his midtwenties and had been married for four years, said of his marriage, "We were obsessed with each other in the beginning.

Now we are confused. I am trying to accept her, butjust this morning she said that the devil had a foothold in her life. I want to help, but I don't know what to do. I am not content with our relationship. Communication is one sided: from her to me. When I do speak up, she finishes my sentences, so mostly I keep quiet. But I am afraid of how far this might go.

I don't push my opinions. I let her rule and don't understand why. Now we are married but I resent his touch, and there is a bitterness and anger that I realize only God can heal. I hope it comes soon. We let the kids-two of his, two of mine-rip us apart in our early years. The kids are grown and gone now all but one , but we are struggling to put our lives back together.

I don't know how to fix our marriage. And unlike the natural seasons, fall does not always precede winter in a marriage. A marriage can move directly from spring to winter. For Joanie, it seemed that her marriage went straight from the honeymoon to winter. It was her second marriage, and she had a mentally challenged child from her first marriage. He was always kind to her. But after the honeymoon, it was like Mandy was suddenly a bother to him.

He wanted it to be just the two of us. Well, that's not a possibility. He's living in a fantasy world. He even asked me if we could find someone to adopt Mandy. Why would I want to do that? She's my daughter. I think I made a huge mistake in marrying Jon. I don't know if we can ever get it together. He loses his temper, and his words destroy me. He has to call all the shots in our lives. It's like my opinions don't matter to him.

In between, it can occur many times. Couples can recognize it by their emotions, their attitudes, and their actions.

The chart on page 19 summarizes the basic signs of a winter marriage. But don't give up. Just as most people wouldn't lie down in the snow and wait to die, there's no reason to passively accept the coldness of a wintry marriage. There is a way out, and it begins with hope. The coldness of winter often stimulates a desire for healing and health. It is the sick who seek a physician and find healing. A winter marriage often makes couples desperate enough to break out of their silent suffering and seek the help of a counselor, pastor, or trusted friend.

Those who seek help will find it. Through the process of healing, couples come to experience the positive side of winter. As one husband said, "We realized that through the pain we rediscovered our roots, affirmed our faith, and grew in character. Through the years, I have seen numerous couples move from winter to spring. When the failures of winter are confessed and forgiven, forgiveness makes room for love, and "love covers over a multitude of sins.

The scars of failure are reminders of sin, a desperate need for forgiveness, and the power of God to save. The good news is that forgiveness and God's power are always available to those who seek them. When two people choose to love again, the melting ice of winter will water the seeds of spring, and winter has served its ultimate purpose.

In Part II, we will look at the tools necessary to move from winter to spring. But first, let's identify the characteristics of the other three seasons of marriage. In the world of nature, spring is the time for new beginnings. In my corner of the world, I know it is spring when the crocuses lift their heads above the soil and smile.

They are soon followed by the daffodils and the greening of the grass. On occasions when the crocuses celebrate too early, I've seen them blanketed with snow, but this never seems to bother them. It is as if they know that winter's last fling will soon give way to the reign of spring. Inspired by the courage of the crocuses, all nature begins to bud and soon blossoms into its full beauty.

As it happens, the arrival of spring often intersects with Easter, which celebrates the ultimate triumph of life over death. Spring is where most marriages begin, the excitement of creating a new life together giving men and women the courage to make a covenant marriage commitment. What could be more exciting than joining two lives together to help each other accomplish the purposes for which they were created? Yes, marriages begin in the springtime. Janet, a thirty-three-year-old newlywed I met at a marriage seminar in Alabama, captured the excitement of spring when she described her six-month- old marriage: "It's full of joy!

It's exciting to watch our relationship grow and develop. Every day is an opportunity to find a way to live out my love for my husband. In some ways, it's scary because there is that fear of not measuring up. Can't we make the daily choice to keep this joy alive and maturing? Marriage is not a lifelong springtime, but we can come back to the optimism, enthusiasm, and joy of spring many times in the course of our lives.

We'll inevitably have our seasons of summer, fall, and winter as well, though not necessarily in that predictable order. As mentioned earlier, the seasons of marriage are not chronological, and thus springtime is not exclusively for newlyweds. The seasons repeat themselves numerous times throughout a marriage, and because we are creatures of choice, we can create new beginnings whenever we desire.

More about the process later, but first let's visit with some couples who are in the springtime of marriage. As we've seen, the seasons of a marriage are created by the changes we encounter and-more important-by our emotions, attitudes, and actions.

Emotions typically influence our attitudes and our actions. For example, if I feel angry, the anger can develop into an attitude and I act it out. Conversely, the emotion of joy may lead to an attitude of optimism, which in turn results in the action of encouraging others.

When couples describe their emo tions, attitudes, and actions, they are describing the quality of their marriage relationships, or the season of their marriage. So, what does a springtime marriage look like? Amanda from Little Rock, Arkansas, is thirty-three and has been married for a year. Now I have a husband whom I love, and I know he loves me. It's new; I see him in a different light. I'm excited about what the future holds for us. He's been married for two years and says, "I'm excited about our marriage as we continue our journey together.

It's been a little scary as we have tried to take our emotions to a deeper level by learning each other's love language. I am really happy to be married to a woman who wants to continue growing and not let our relationship become stale.

I want to keep on learning how to be a better husband. At one of the breaks, after we had chatted a bit, I asked Joyce to describe her marriage in terms of one of the four seasons. She said, "After listening to the first half of your seminar, I feel very blessed to be in the spring season of our marriage. Our excitement over being married has subsided slightly, but I still get that excited feeling at times when I look at my husband. Yes, I am happier now than I have ever been in my life!

I love my husband and I love being married. Rex said, "Our first child was born the day after our first anniversary, so it seems like we have always had kids at home. Now we are empty nesters and have only each other. We find we are enjoying our time together-our conversations and our sharing of thoughts, concerns, and interests. We enjoy doing things together. Our grown kids say they want to find marriage relationships like their parents enjoy. That is very gratifying to both of us.

I met Ryan and Michelle in Phoenix, Arizona. Before we moved, we were beginning to get into a rut and, frankly, not giving much attention to each other. Since the move, we have spent a lot more time talking with each other and doing things together. Both of us have found a new excitement about life and about our marriage.

We are the happiest we have ever been. I love being married to Sean-and besides all that, our sex life is terrific! It's like I have rediscovered my femininity, and I feel so loved by my husband. It's a whole new season in our marriage. The typical atti tudes of spring are gratitude and anticipation of the future. Change is perceived as an opportunity for new beginnings, and springtime couples fully expect to make the best of those opportunities.

We sometimes speak of the pessimist as a person who sees a glass half empty, whereas the optimist sees it half full. A pessimist says, "It looks like it's going to rain. In the world of nature, spring has its pollen.

If people curse the pollen, you know that spring is not their favorite time of the year. But if they talk optimistically about the flowers and the butterflies even while sneezing from the pollen , you know that they are in love with spring.

The same is true in a marriage. Even in the springtime, there can be difficulties, but the prevailing attitude is one of anticipated growth rather than despair.

Of course, we have our ups and downs like anyone else. But we are trying to build our lives around the teachings of Christ. We are learning to communicate, learning how to nurture our love, and learning how to be open to each other's ideas and feelings.

We are excited about being together and exploring the future with God. Joanie had been married to Alex for twenty-two years when she said to me, "Things aren't where I want them to be, but I am hopeful for the future. I'm grateful for what I have, and I want us to keep growing. When I see other marriages falling apart, I'm glad that Alex and I still love each other and are continuing to work at our relationship.

We've learned that we don't have to agree on everything. Sometimes we agree to disagree and seek to understand each other's point of view. But we love each other and that is the central focus, along with our love for God. That helps us overcome any differences we have, because we agree more than we disagree. I'm deeply grateful for the marriage God has given us.

As Janet from Alabama said after six months of marriage, "Every day is an opportunity to find a way to live out my love for my husband. Amy, a woman I met in Indianapolis, said, "My husband is very considerate, and that has rubbed off on me.

We both are very aware of each other's feelings and try to make a conscious effort to nurture our relationship. We love each other, and we want to keep it alive forever.

I read your original book several years ago, and I thought I understood my wife's love language. But this week we both learned a lot about each other. It's been one of the best weeks we've had in years. We feel like we are beginning a second honeymoon, only this time our love is so much deeper than it was in the early years of our marriage. Springtime is also undergirded by an attitude of trust.

Trust is believing that your spouse is a person of integrity-that he or she will tell you the truth. If your marriage is built on a solid foundation of trust, you are certain of your spouse's faithfulness to the marital commitment, and you will choose to believe the best about your mate, even in uncertain circumstances.

The attitude of trust brings a sense of security. I've never forgotten what one young man said to me a few years ago: "We've been married ten years, and one of the greatest things for me is the trust that I have in Misty. My father could not trust my mother; she had numerous involvements with other men through the years. It was a great source of grief for my father, although I always admired the fact that he forgave her and sought to recover.

Mom died six years ago, and Dad is now married to a wonderful Christian woman. I'm really happy for him. I guess because of all that, I am so grateful for Misty and her love and commitment to me. Knowing that I can trust her brings me great joy.

When we foster the springtime attitudes of optimism, gratitude, love, and trust, we will enjoy the fragrant blossoming of spring in our marriages. Such attitudes lead to positive actions. Who doesn't enjoy a spring picnic, ants and all? In many parts of the country, spring means mowing the grass and planting the garden. On top of that is the whole world of spring sports that provide recreation for the kids and turn Mom into a taxi service. Spring is a time for accelerated activity, and most of us are happy to emerge from our winter dens and participate in the excitement.

Similarly, when spring comes to a marriage relationship, it will be characterized by new attitudes and new activities. We look for ways to express our love and stimulate excitement in our relationship. These are not random actions-activity for activity's sake-nor are they self-centered. The focus is on bringing new life to the marriage and building up the good that is already there. In this season of marriage, the guiding principle is nurture, which means "to feed. Both spouses seek to do things that will enhance the life of their mate.

They ask themselves, "How will this affect our relationship? Ashley had been married for seven years and spoke excitedly when she said to me, "We have finally established date nights, to talk or do whatever we want.

I am now okay with leaving our children with grandparents. Heidi and Jeremy have been married one year. We are attending conferences about how to keep our marriage healthy, and we are asking God to lead us in our lives and be a part of our marriage. We are both very fortunate to have come from Christian homes, and we both grew up with wonderful models. We are excited about the future.

But when I met them, they were definitely experiencing spring. The money was nice but it wasn't worth it. We made a move to another town only thirty miles away and it gave us a fresh start. We both rekindled our individual relationships with God. This has made a big difference. We began to pray together and play together. It has made a world of difference for us. We are actually enjoying being married again. We know that God has good things for us in the future.

Julian opened the conversation by saying, "We want to tell you how much we appreciate your writing. It has opened to us a whole new world of understanding each other. Then I discovered that his love languages are quality time and physical touch.

My love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. When I stopped cleaning, cooking, and painting; took time to sit down and talk with him face-to-face; and started giving him loving touches, he began doing acts of service and giving me words of affirmation. We have entered a whole new stage of marriage.

Madelyn was twenty-one and had been married for only ten months when I met her and her husband, Jackson, in Sumter, South Carolina.

He revealed to us our own selfishness. We still have disagreements occasionally, but I am continually humbled and disarmed by my husband's willingness to look at what he is doing and be open to change. That makes me love him more and more. We took a class on marriage at our church and realized that we are both incomplete people and God has a desire to see us changed. He is using our marriage to help both of us grow. Loving actions, which begin with a willingness to change, create a positive emotional climate between a husband and wife that makes life exciting.

Positive actions require time. Dave, from Atlanta, has been married twenty- one years and has three children.

We have experienced tragedies in our family, and that has forced us to realize the importance of nurturing our marriage. Learning how to take positive action sometimes requires outside help. For Jerry and Jan, the first eight years of marriage were, in a word, miserable. But all that changed a year ago. We've taken steps, both together and individually, through Christian counseling. We've learned to accept responsibility for ourselves and to enjoy the uniqueness of each other without controlling the other.

Being willing to go for counseling is a positive action that often results in the return of spring. Andrew and Tricia got off to a much healthier start. When I met them two years into their marriage, Andrew said, "Before we got married, we sought out mentors and wise, trusted counselors to help us prepare for our life together.

Communication has been a big part of our relationship. Before marriage, we communicated expectations and how families play into our lives and marriage. One of the things we learned was to laugh together every day. There is something about laughter that makes life easier. We seek at least one way every day to express our love to each other: notes, actions, or words. We've had a great two years and anticipate a great future. And loving actions result in positive emotions.

Wrap these three together and you have the springtime of marriage. A few years ago, as I was getting ready to plant my spring garden, I learned an important lesson in plant identification. The season before, I had erected a wire fence to protect my garden from rabbits.

As I was turning the soil, preparing it for planting, I noticed ivy growing on my fence. Where did that come from? I thought. I didn't plant any ivy. With a few fast pulls of the hand, I removed the ivy from my fence. The next day, when I woke up with itching welts on my hand and wrist, I realized I had tangled with poison ivy.

For the next few days, I was greatly irritated by intense itching. In a springtime marriage, we may encounter poison ivy-irritations that pop up unannounced and unexpected. These irritations can cause marital itching, even in the midst of springtime. They can ruin a perfectly wonderful vacation or turn a fine dinner into an emotional fiasco. These irritations do not change the season, but they may make spring less enjoyable. As part of Strategy 6, we will discuss how to turn these irritations into assets as we "maximize" our differences.

For the moment, however, let me encourage you to share your irritations with your spouse and be open to change. Spring often leads a couple to make positive changes.

It is a time of new beginnings, new patterns of life, new ways of listening and expressing concern, and new ways of loving. If we successfully implement and nurture these positive changes, springtime will give way to the fun and warmth of summer. On the other hand, if we fail to follow through with new beginnings, we may find ourselves skipping summer altogether and slipping straight into fall or winter. But missing summer is like missing the ice-cream truck.

It's enough to make a grown man cry. In the next chapter, we will look at the season of marriage that you don't want to miss. Beyond the elm tree, closer to the creek, I planted five crape myrtles.

The first few years they grew slowly-maybe because of poor soil or my lack of attention. But this summer they are in full bloom, heavy laden with clusters of red. I have learned from others that crape myrtles bloom at different times, even in the same geographical location.

Up by the apartment complex on the highway, they started blooming in early June, but the ones I planted bloom in mid-to-late July. They signal for me that summer reigns. At this time of year, we are also eating fresh corn, okra, and tomatoes.

Nothing tastes better than a vine-ripened tomato in the middle of summer. I have some friends who would say the same thing about watermelon or squash. Summer is when the gardener reaps the benefits of what was planted and nurtured in the spring.

For children, summer is the time to relax. School is closed and the pool is open. And if one lives near a creek, as I do, it's fun to catch tadpoles. The sun stays awake longer and so do the kids. Hot, sweaty faces indicate intense activity, but for children, it is sheer joy.

We're having fun" is the mantra of summer. Fun is also the theme of a summer marriage. Life is beautiful. We are reaping the benefits of our hard efforts to understand each other and to work together as a team to see the dreams of spring fulfilled.

The anticipation of spring has turned into the reality of summer. The initial excitement may have waned, but our sense of connection with each other has deepened. We have fewer misunderstandings, and when we do, resolutions come more quickly. We may or may not have reached our financial goals. We may or may not have children. We may have good health or poor health. Our vocation may be satisfying or frustrating.

And we will feel secure in each other's love. So what are the emotions, attitudes, and actions that foster and sustain the season of summer in a marriage? From Maine to Miami and from Seattle to San Diego, I've encountered couples who have described their marriage as being in the summer season. Let's look at a few examples. Look for the words that describe these emotions in the following stories: Julia is thirty-seven years old and has been married for sixteen years.

I met them in Pasadena, California. He said, "It is a good feeling to be content with myself and my wife in this season of life. By content, I do not mean that I have stopped working to make it better. I just mean that there is something there that I can't put into words, but I just know that things are right between the two of us.

We are there for each other. And we intend to keep it that way. He had been married to Jennifer for twenty years. He said, "I feel that we are in the summer of our marriage. In the past we have been overwhelmed with issues, including work, raising children, and a lot of physical problems.

But we worked our way through those and are stronger because of them. Our relationship seems comfortable. It's a good feeling to know that we have survived and really do love each other. Jennifer added, "I'm so glad we didn't give up when things were tough.

What we have now was worth working for. She and Reg live in Tampa, Florida. When I asked her to describe her marriage, she said, "It feels good now-much better than the first eight-and-a-half months. I don't feel like you love me.

You don't do things like you did before we got married. The last two months have definitely been summer for me. I feel good about our relationship," he said. I just hope we can keep summer alive after the baby comes. Summer may come at a busy time of life, but the busyness need not destroy the intimacy. Tricia is twenty-four and has been married to Rob for three years. They live in Tucson, Arizona. She said, "I feel comfortable with our relationship.

Although we are very busy with our jobs, we still are happy and able to spend quality time together. I think we both feel secure in each other's love, and I hope we can keep it this way forever. It is her second marriage, his first. She said, "Our marriage is definitely in the summer season. It gives me a feeling of peace and confidence to know that I can trust Daniel. Loved each and every part of this book. I will definitely recommend this book to fiction, womens fiction lovers. Your Rating:.

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